Cartoon by me me
Welcome my newsletter titled “People who have pissed me off”. This might even include things and situations. But primarily people. Probably. I don’t know where the wind of agitation will blow me off to. This newsletter is inspired by Scaachi Khoul’s newsletter by the same theme and not just my angst. You can subscribe to her’s here: https://scaachi.substack.com/p/a-list-of-people-i-am-mad-at-12221?r=55zwl&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=copy
Let’s begin? Below is a grocery list of people that have pissed me off for the week passed. More than just a week maybe. My net of displeasers is too abundant for just a week.
1. Vital Signs (RIP JJ – esp the JJ who was the rockstar). Let me explain. I have grown up batting many tunes to Vital Signs. Heck, I’ve been raised with their music. Well theirs and Ali Haider’s and Jawad Ahmed’s but those two are a story for a later time. There is not a day of my childhood where I can’t recall listening to JJ’s voice coming from SOME where in my house. Kids heard nursery rhymes, I heard Samjhanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. They were EVERYWHERE. In fact,my dad and uncles all collectively made sure that instead of the Azaan, Do Pal Ka Jeevan was delivered straight to my ears at birth. Heck, when my mother was giving birth, the hospital staff was paid to sing Aitebar, especially the Aietebar bhi, a hi jaye ga part instead of just lamely yelling PUSH! That’s why I was initially to be named Aietebar instead of Misha, but my Nana intervened and ruined what could have been a fucking awesome name origin story. My mama can’t hear that song without war flashbacks. I may or may not be making that up. You may never know. Point is, Vital Signs and their music runs in my blood more than actual blood. So you can only imagine the disdain I felt when I discovered that 80% of their discography is COPIED from various foreign American & English bands and singers. They talked a whole big deal about being “inspired” by these bands, but if I followed their definition if “inspired” in university, I’d be kicked out in a jiffy. Blatant copy. Fucking hell, Aietebar is a copy of some bloody Phil Collins’ song. I love Phil Collins and I feel like I’ve been terribly cheated on. Like my best friend and lover have decided to elope and are only now telling me once they’re about to become proud parents of a very precious child. Fuck you Vital Signs. Why did you do me so fucking dirty? You guys were BRILLIANT, I don’t understand why they needed to go and play fetch with some swampy 80s bands’ tunes. Rohail Hyatt, Sir you’re a music prodigy, why did you feel the need to do this? I fucking LOVE their music. I don’t think I have ever adored a band as much as them. Their music is almost a MUST at dinner time for my family. Always on the TV. What kind of theft have I just witnessed? Whatever, I’m just going to list this off as reverse colonization and call it a day. Sab hi namumkin, mumkin huaaaaaa….
2. Those couple of people who have taken it upon themselves to dutifully mumble “she’s gotten fat” under their breath, as if I also went deaf in both ears as a side effect of gaining some pounds. I hear you, fuckers. Loud and clear. The weirdest part is, that I’m at an instagram-society-approved ‘sexy’ weight (barf at instagram approved weight. F u instagram) yet STILL, everybody almost has apparently gotten the memo to start considering me borderline ugly. Makes me livid to think about how people have to face some disturbing amount of criticism for literally just being. Bitterness is a curse that bites deep, fuckers. Beware. And maybe learn about how women’s bodies work while you’re at it.
3. That one guy who does that one game show on TV who also decided to make that one show about fake sexual harassment allegations. I won’t name him, just so he can’t sue me. I hate him. For being who is is, sure. But for also having an incredibly punchable face. Maybe my baby cousins who’s parents are friends with that guy might be reading this and feeling a tad bit offended, but I’m sorry girls, your uncle that guy has an exceptionally punchable face. Accentuated by his terrible personality and takes. I’m not one for violence, at ALL. But that guy really teases that threshold I must say.
4. My dad for chewing etc when eating and triggering my misophonia again and again. I love you Baba but I think I might burn this house down the minute the fuse in my brain decides to spark and go live the wrong way.
5. The Careem delivery guy who decided to pull a hypothetically, Alcatraz worthy steal and run. I’d already paid him for the delivery, yet when he reached the recipient he charged her too because he definitely thought he was going to get away with it, because you know, he was personally tutored by John Dillinger in the art of him. Careem should pay them more and/or the thief prodigy should maybe invest in some theft classes.
Thank you for reading a list of people who have pissed me off. Please subscribe to my newsletter to keep receiving my angst in your emails. If you like the cartoon cover, please follow me on instagram - @nicenichecartoons